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jeudi 22 novembre 2012

KIBAZO CYO KUGIRA IGITSINA GORE GITOYA (igice cya 1)

Ushobora kuba warumvise havugwa ko umugoreashobora kugira igitsina gitoya cyatuma atabasha gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina. Ibyo birashoboka, ariko nanone ikindi ni uko umugore ashobora kuba yarigeze gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina nta kibazo, nyuma kuyikora bikaza kumunanira, akajya yumva igitsina cye cyarabaye gitoya. Ahanini rero si ukuba gitoya, ahubwo ni ukubura ubushobozi bwo kwikanyura ngo cyaguke igihe icyo gikorwa kigeze. Reka dusure urubuga vaginismus.com, maze muri iyi nkuru igice cya 1 tubanze turebe ubuhamya bw’abagore bagiye bibonaho iki kibazo, bihite binakwereka ibice bitandukanye by’abagore bashobora kwibonaho iki kibazo:

1. Tukimara kurushinga, twamaze amezi 17 yose twarahangayitse ndetse twaranumiwe kuko tutabashaga gutera akabariro. Ntitwari twarigeze dukorana imibonano mpuzabitsina na rimwe, twifuzaga kuzayikora mu kwezi kwa buki, ariko kwambereye kubi ku buryo ntazibagirwa, kuko kuyikora byatunaniye. Twahise tujya kureba muganga, maze atubwira ko icyashoboka ari ukumbaga bakagura igitsina cyanjye hamwe na ka karangabusugi, hymen. Twabyemeranyijeho rero, maze mu byumweru bike baba barambaze. Nyuma y’igihe kirekire, numva ndakize nakongera nkagerageza. Nyamara tugerageje, nabwo nasanze bidashoboka ko igitsina cye cyakwinjira mu cyanjye, bitewe n’uko nababaraga cyane kandi nabwo mbona kikiri gitoya.

2. Twembi ntawari warigeze akora imibonano mpuzabitsina, twari twarategereje umunsi wo kurushinga ngo abe aribwo tuzabikora nk’uko Imana ibishaka. Nyamara kuri uwo munsi twatunguwe no gusanga tutabasha kuyikora. Kuva kera nari naraketse ko igitsina cyanjye gishobora kuba ari gitoya, kuko ntabashaga kwinjizamo na tempon, agapamba binjiza mu gitsina mu gihe umukobwa ari mu mihango; nyamara naragerageje pe! Ngiye kureba docteur, nawe ntacyo yamariye rwose. Umuntu wambwiye ngo icyo nkeneye nta kindi ni ugukomeza guhatiriza! Ubwo rero nyine twaratashye tujya kugerageza nk’uko yabidusabye, nyamara ntacyo byigeze bitanga, kuko iyo uw’iwanjye ashatse kuyisunikiramo gato rwose bihita bimbabaza cyane. Muri make nsa naho mfite igitsina kidakwiranye nayo. Ubu nakora iki koko?

3. Njye numva naratsinzwe pe! Nibaza impamvu ntashobora gutera akabariro nk’abandi. Ariko ikimpangayikishije kurushaho, ni uburyo byahangayikishije umugabo wanjye. Tumaranye imyaka 4, ariko na nubu sindabasha kumureka ngo yinjire igihe dutera akabariro! Ubuse urukundo rwe nzarugarura nte koko? Ntekereza ko kuba narahoraga mpangayikishijwe n’umuntu wamfata ku ngufu aribyo byaba byarabinteye. Ubuse birashoboka? Mama yahoraga antesha umutwe ngo ninshinge urugo nshinge urugo, ariko se ubu noneho ko nshimye ko narushinze, nzabyara gute?

Biranashoboka ko hari igihe umugore ashobora gutangira kumva igitsina cyabaye gitoya, agatangira no kuribwa igihe cy’akabariro, nyamara bitarahozeho. Umva ubuhamya uyu mugore atanga:

4. Dushyingiranywe ubu hashize imyaka 9, tukaba dufite abana babiri beza cyane. Ariko akazi kenshi ndetse na responsabilités z’urugo bituma tutabonana uko bikwiriye. Nyamara n’ubwo mu minsi ishize umwanya waburaga wo gutera akabariro, ubu bwo ntibicyinashoboka noneho! Niba ari ako kazi kenshi kabiteye, niba ari ukumara igihe kinini ntacyo dukora, noneho ubu hashize umwaka nsigaye njya kugerageza kubikora nkababara! Byatangiye numva uburyaryate cyangwa se ibimeze nko kubabuka mu gitsina igihe turimo dutera akabariro. Ibi byanteye kugira ikibazo maze uko nongeye nabwo nkababara. Kwa muganga icyo bantegetse ngo ni ukuzajya ngerageza gukoresha amavuta menshi yo kongera ububobere, kandi ngo umugabo wanjye nawe akarushaho kuntegura cyane. None ubu aho kugirango icyo kibazo gikemuke, ahubwo wagirango igitsina cyanjye cyifunga umunsi ku munsi, ku buryo ubu noneho tutagitera akabariro na mba kuko bidashoboka. Ubu nakora iki koko ko mbona umugabo wanjye ashobora kuzagera aho akarambirwa kwihangana?

Hari ubwo noneho ibibazo nk’ibi bivuka ari uko umugore amaze kubyara. Uru ni urugero:

5. Njye mu ntangiriro nari muzima rwose, kandi ntera akabariro nta kibazo. Twarabikoraga bikaturyohera pe. Kugeza igihe nabyariye umwana wanjye w’umukobwa. Nabyaye neza, n’ubwo bwose nababaye cyane. Ndetse na docteur wambyaje yanyitayeho cyane. Barambwiye ngo narakize neza nta kibazo, ngo nshobora kongera ngatera akabariro. Nyamara wagirango igitsina cyanjye cyifunga buri munsi, kuko buri gihe uko duteye akabariro agashaka kwinjira byanga pe! Numva bimbangamira cyane. N’ubwo bwose umuganga ansuzuma akambwira ngo nta kibazo na kimwe mfite, ariko njye mba mbibona ko umubiri wanjye wo uri kubivuga ko hari ikibazo. Dufite umwana w’umukobwa mwiza cyane, ariko simbasha no kumwishimira kubera ibyo bibazo byo kutabasha kwishimira gutera akabariro nka mbere. Nifuza cyane rwose ko byasubira uko byahoze.

Iki kibazo cya vaginismus nanone gishobora kuvuka nyuma y’uko umwe mu bashakanye aciye undi inyuma:

6. Umunsi mubi ntazibagirwa mu buzima bwanjye ni igihe namenyaga ko umugabo wanjye anca inyuma. Twari tumaranye imyaka itandatu tubana, ariko byaranshegeshe cyane kuko namwizeraga bikomeye. Ariko icyanshimishije ni uko uwo muntu yahise amureka, maze yiyemeza guhinduka. Ni uko tujya gushaka umucounselor (counselor), cg se umujyanama, ngo adufashe kongera gusubira mu buzima twahoranye mbere. Imana rwose yadukoreye ibitangaza, maze umubano mwiza n’urukundo mu rwacu uragaruka. Ariko hari ahantu hamwe gusa byanze. Mu gutera akabariro! Byarananiye kongera kumwizera kuri iyi ngingo pe. Ku buryo iyo dutangiye, mpita mwimajina (imaginer) arimo aterana akabariro na wa mugore, maze ubushake nari mfite bwose bugahita bugenda. Kuri ubu iyo duteye akabariro ndababara pe. Ariko nanze kubibwira umugabo wanjye kuko ntifuza kumudesova (decevoir). Inshuro nyinshi iyo turangije kubikora ndarira kuko mba nababaye mu byiyumvo ndetse no mu mubiri. Nagerageje kubibwira docteur, nyamara yankoreye ibizamini byose abura ikintu na kimwe kitagenda. Maze avuga ko ubwo wasanga hari ibibazo dufite tutaracyemura. Ubu hashize ibyumweru bike noneho tugerageje gutera akabariro biranga burundu. Ni uko mbura icyo mvuga ariko mbwira umugabo wanjye ko ahari ari ukubera ko nari naniwe cyane. Kuva icyo gihe natangiye kumwihunza, ariko numva nanone ntatuje kubera kuba yaranshiye inyuma mu gihe cyashize ntahwema gutekerezaho, nyamara yarahindutse pe! Kuri ubu turakundana rwose. Ubuse ko ntashaka kongera kumutakaza nzabigenza nte?

Nanone, iyo umugore amaze gucura, ashobora kuba yagira ibibazo byo kubabara mu gitsina igihe arimo gutera akabariro, nyamara siko biba ku bagore bose. Umva ubuhamya bw’uyunguyu:

7. Nari mbizi neza ko uko umuntu agenda asaza ubuzima buhinduka, ariko ibingibi byo ntibisanzwe pe! Muri make natangiye gucura nkiri muto, ku myaka 40 gusa. Ni uko imisemburo yanjye nayo ihita igenda burundu! Njye n’umugabo wanjye twari dusanzwe dutera akabariro ku buryo bushimishije cyane, ndetse twumvaga tuzanarushaho ubwo abana bacu bari kuzaba barangije kwiga amashuri yabo yisumbuye. Nyamara bakirangiza nibwo imisemburo yanjye yahise inkuraho amaboko! Nahise ntangira kumagara mu gitsina ku buryo bukomeye cyane, kugeza aho n’ubwo twakoreshaga amavuta yo kudufasha kongera ububobere ariko bitigeze bigira icyo bitanga, ntibyambuzaga kubabara igihe cyo gutera akabariro. Muganga yambwiye ikijambo ntashakaga kumva, ngo “n’ubundi ibi ni ibisanzwe ku bagore batangiye gusasa!” Ah! Sinifuzaga ko ambwira ko nshaje! Ni uko cyakora akomeza ambwira ko ngo nawe abizi neza ko hari abagore bageza no mu myaka ya za 60 na 70 ndetse ikaba yanarenga, bagitera akabariro nta kibazo. Ubu ngize imyaka 48, numva nkiri muto rwose sinifuza ko nabihagarika aka kanya, Nyamara uko ngenda ndushaho gusasa, niko ngenda ndushaho kuribwa iyo ngerageje!

Ikibazo cya vaginismus nanone gishobora kubaho igihe habayeho gufatwa ku ngufu.

8. Mfite imyaka 24, sindarushinga. Ariko kandi nigeze gukundana n’abahungu bake ndetse tunakorana imibonano mpuzabitsina kandi bigenda neza. Nyuma yaho, mfite imyaka 22, naje gusohokana n’ikigabo kimwe, maze kiza kumfata ku ngufu. Niyibuka kimaze kumfata ndambaraye ahongaho, numva nabaye umwanda kandi nabaye n’igikoresho. Kuva ubwo nagerageje gukundana n’abandi bahungu, ariko bikananira kubagira inshuti nyazo kuko numvaga binteye ubwoba. Nyamara ubu hashize amezi atatu mpuye n’umuhungu mwiza cyane, utandukanye n’abo bose, ku buryo numva naramukunze pe! Ariko naratunguwe tugerageje gukorana imibonano mpuzbaitsina ngasanga bidashoboka! Kugeza ubu simbyumva habe na mba! Mbere ntarafatwa ku ngufu nakoraga imibonano nta kibazo, ariko kuri ubu nyuma y’icyo kibi cyambayeho, nihuriye n’umusore udasanzwe, none byananiye kubikora! Ese hari ikintu cyaba gikiza ibikubaho nyuma yo gufatwa ku ngufu koko?

Ngayo nguko. Mu bice bitaha tuzakomeza tureba noneho ibi byose ikibitera, ndetse tunarebe niba bivurwa.